I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
