Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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