I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Houston, we have a blender
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
