don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize