he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize