my mouth tastes like poor choices
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
