it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
