"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
