uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
