So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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