did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
