You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
