Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
