he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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