I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
