My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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