idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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