she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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