how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need a hoe opinion
go on
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
