the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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