I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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