I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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