i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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