She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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