genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
