Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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