Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
