Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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