Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
