so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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