I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
