i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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