My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
