I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
