I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
