so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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