Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
