last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
