Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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