Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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