I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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