my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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