An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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