why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
