Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize