This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
