I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
