you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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