So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
