So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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