The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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