Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
