I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize