At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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