never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
