Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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