I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sobbing to NWA
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
