Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
