Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
