have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
