She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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