I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
