Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am one with the molecules
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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