Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
