I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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