please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
