I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
