Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize